In an effort to keep President Trump from meddling in the affairs of the executive branch, CNN in cooperation with the White House staff is launching CNN Executive Time. The new news channel is streamed directly into the White House to keep the president pacified and engaged in round the clock executive time.
“We feel chaos and confusion is limited and the executive branch functions better when the president is disengaged,” said one senior White House staffer. “Providing his gargantuan ego with a steady diet of praise and false sense of accomplishment limits potential damage to policy goals.”
Hearing the call to serve the greater good of its country, CNN has been enlisted to stream a unique version of its product with the sole purpose of keeping the president pacified and mesmerized. “Trump can’t get enough of himself. If we can keep him happy in his bath robe and out of the Oval Office, then maybe we can get through this long national nightmare,” said a CNN exec close to the project.
Daily programming begins with a morning show entitled The Collusion Delusion. Veteran presenter Chris Cuomo hosts and basically repeats, “No collusion, there’s no collusion. Dems have said there’s no collusion. Absolutely no collusion. Clinton collusion,” with expert guests affirming the no collusion assessment.
Midday programming consists of fake footage of President Trump performing the duties of his office even as, in reality, he sits munching on McDonalds, transfixed by what he’s able to accomplish without even having to be present.
Jake Tapper hosts an hour in the afternoon entitled, I Drank the Kool Aid and I Feel Much Better Now, Thank You. No explanation necessary.
CNN special assignment showcases Famous Walls of History. Hadrian’s wall, the Great Wall of China, Pink Floyd The Wall and the Berlin wall are all featured. “Mr. Trump, build that wall,” former President Reagan implores the current president from alternative facts history.