Trump, Biden campaigns call on Kanye West to concede

Spokespersons for both the Donald Trump and Joe Biden campaigns issued statements today calling on Kanye West to end his 2020 presidential run. 

“At this hour, it has become apparent that the Kanye West campaign has no chance to prevail in this election.  In the interest of democracy and the peaceful transition of power, we urge Mr. West to drop out,” said a spokesperson for the Biden campaign.

Grilled by reporters, Biden addressed West’s continued presence in the presidential race.  

“Look, if you can’t decide between staying in this race or withdrawing and supporting my campaign, then you ain’t a rapper.  C’mon, man, make like an electoral college dropout and quit already.”

In a statement of their own, the Trump campaign attempted to draft West into service as they scramble to find enough votes to take the lead away from Biden.

“The Trump team congratulates Kanye West on a well-run campaign and wishes him all the best in his future endeavors.  However, we respectfully request he end his presidential bid, dust off his MAGA hat and report to the Oval Office by 0800.  We’re putting together a crackerjack crisis response team and it’s all hands on deck.”   

Behind the scenes, both the Biden and Trump camps are worried West’s continued presence in the race could draw attention away from their own efforts as the pair of nimble septuagenarians sprint to the finish in what has turned out to be a very close election.   

However, sources close to the West campaign believe their candidate still has multiple paths to victory. 

“Our path to the presidency is beginning to come into focus,” said one advisor.  “It starts in the northeast and extends down the eastern seaboard.  The northern branch then veers off through the upper midwest and meanders like a wagon train across the northern great plains and into the pacific northwest.  The southern branch winds through the deep south and burns like a brush fire across Texas and the desert southwest, finally concluding in southern California.  As the mail-in ballots continue to be counted, the electoral map will reveal our path to victory and it will spell YEEZY.”  

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