Tag: Game of Thrones

Local man currently starring in three hit viral videos

With the traditional summer blockbuster movie season canceled due to the pandemic, and Hollywood royalty wallowing in depression and loneliness caused by a deficit of public attention, viral videos are emerging from every corner of the internet to fill the void.

No one is working harder to fill this vacuum than Cameron James, who is currently starring in three of social media’s hottest viral video sensations.

He first captured the public’s attention on Facebook with his role as drunk guy trying to ride a bike.  Some passers-by filmed Cameron trying and failing to mount his bicycle after exiting a bar.

“I was so loaded I couldn’t tell up from down,” said James.  “Operating a bicycle required me to engage in a duel with physics that I was in no condition to undertake.  Time and again, I attempted to saddle up and ride only to fall flat on my face.”

Fortunately, a number of bar patrons were able to catch the entire debacle on video.  One social media user even managed to edit together a Matrix style montage of Cameron’s combat with the forces of gravity and bicycle engineering.

“The video quickly blew up on Facebook, and I soon discovered I was being mocked and ridiculed on almost every social media platform.  I gotta say, it felt pretty awesome.”

A few days later, Cameron was filmed berating the staff of a fast food restaurant in his neighborhood.

“They messed up my order pretty bad, so I started to chew out the cashier.  However, once the other patrons took out their phones and began shooting, I felt a rage flow from a place inside me I didn’t even know existed.  It really felt like I was channeling Pacino.  Anyway, after it was over, even the restaurant staff remarked that my irate customer portrayal was one of the best they’d ever seen.”

In addition to catching fire on the internet, several critics praised the intensity of Cameron’s performance, and he’s expected to be nominated for a Karen Award in the category of Best Unhinged Restaurant Patron.

Rounding out a week that saw Cameron James skyrocket to social media superstardom, the young man was publicly shamed and driven out of a supermarket for not wearing a mask.  Several shoppers took video of the incident as Cameron ditched his cart and fled the store in panic.  Shoppers heaped abuse on Cameron and hurled grocery items at him.  On Twitter, the whole scene invited comparisons to Cersei’s walk of atonement in Game of Thrones.

With three blockbuster viral videos in quick succession, fans are wondering if the young star can top an already impressive body of work that has brought him so much attention and fame, or will his star dim and James fade back into obscurity.

“To be the focus of so much negative media and public attention has really been a dream come true.  If I never make another hit viral video, I can live with that.  Who knows, maybe that’s my next role.  Down and out viral video star attempts a comeback, engaging in myriad forms of awful behavior in an attempt to get back in the public’s bad graces.”  

Fortnite powers down. Millions of boys reunited with loved ones.

Parents and siblings are rejoicing today after reuniting with missing family members thought lost forever.  The popular video game Fortnite powered down Sunday leaving only a black hole visible on the screen and millions of players confused and unable to log in.

John and Patty Perkins were seated at their kitchen table finishing dinner Sunday when the basement door opened and their dazed thirteen year old son appeared in the doorway.  “Mom, Dad, it’s me, Dylan,” he announced as Patty rushed to embrace her son.

“We never lost hope.  We always knew you were out there somewhere and would come back to us.  Come, let me fix you a plate,” Patty said seating Dylan at the family table, the boy’s arms extending four inches beyond the ends of his shirt sleeves.

Not everyone was greeted with hugs and tears of joy, however.  “When I came down from my attic, there was another family living in our house,” said a shaken Justin Cartwright.  “If anyone knows where Bill and Diane Cartwright have relocated, please let me know.”  

After the official Fortnite Twitter account tweeted out “This is The End,” stunned players around the globe began the process of reintegrating back into society.  Some are finding it difficult to adjust to a world that has changed drastically in the last few years. 

“Our son has missed a lot of school,” said one father.  “He doesn’t know how to drive a car and he’s distraught over missing the end of Game of Thrones.  Right now, we’re just taking it one day at a time.”