Tag: Rob Porter

The Big Lewandowski

Citing absolute immunity, President Trump held back former aides Rob Porter and Rick Dearborn from testifying in front of the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday.  As legal scholars have noted, no person or spiritual entity in heaven or on earth can compel congressional testimony from a witness granted absolute immunity by the President.  

The White House did, however, permit former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski to mix it up with Jerry Nadler and friends.  A combative Lewandowski came out swinging, telling the committee that he would refuse to answer questions about his conversations with President Trump.

Committee members soon became frustrated over the witness’s unwillingness to cooperate.

“Lewandowski, you are like a fish being cleaned with a spoon – very hard to get a clean answer from you,” charged Rep. Hank Johnson.

Anyone who has ever tried to clean a fish knows it’s impossible to get a straight answer out of one.  Sensing he’d been pinned to the cutting board, Lewandowski launched into another evasive tactic.    

“Let me explain something to you, I am not Lewandowski, I’m The Lewd.  So that’s what you call me, you know, that or His Lewdness or El Lewderino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.” 

At one point during the hearing, to avoid direct answers to member’s questions, Lewandowski began reading directly from the Mueller report. 

“You are not going to stonewall me and my questions,” said Rep. David Cicilline, growing visibly irritated.  “Now, Lewandowski, if you don’t mind…”  

“I do mind. The Lewd minds,” Lewandowski snapped back.  “This will not stand, you know. This aggression will not stand, man.” 

Later on Twitter, President Trump called Lewandowski’s performance “beautiful.”  Also, he tweeted video highlights of the testimony under the caption, “The bums won.”