Members of 80’s rock band The Police issued a press release Thursday addressing growing calls in the United States and Britain to “Defund The Police.”
“There seems to be a lot of chatter in the media these days about defunding or even abolishing The Police. So far, we’ve remained silent as a growing number of activists, public officials, journalists and even fellow entertainers have called for the dissolution of our band. While we’re totally clueless to understand what we’ve done to deserve their scorn, we’re committed to making whatever changes are necessary to win back the public trust.
“Additionally, we’ve been a little dismayed that in this era of social distancing our 1980 hit, “Don’t Stand So Close To Me,” has not enjoyed a greater resurgence in popularity. Our management has contacted the CDC and NIH on multiple occasions, offering our song to be used in public service announcements. Thus far, no response has been forthcoming.
“In these difficult times, we’re making a good faith effort to do our part for the greater good. However, not buying our music benefits no one. Imagine a world without “Roxanne,” “Message in a Bottle,” or “Every Breath You Take.” Is that the kind of world you want to live in? We think not. Without these timeless classics to bind us together, our world would almost certainly descend into chaos and anarchy.
“So, unless your wish is to replace civil society with some joyless, dystopian hellscape where the music of The Police has been permanently abolished, and “De Do Do Do De Da Da Da” become merely the words of sputtering idiots, instead of the inspired lyrics of an immensely talented reggae rock trio, please consider funding The Police by purchasing some of our music. Civilization may depend on it.”