Shadow diplomat Rudy Giuliani, fresh off a fact and fiction finding mission in Ukraine, is set to deliver his report to Attorney General William Barr. Sources say the explosive material contained within the report has the potential to detonate the entire impeachment proceedings.
Entitled “What I Found In Ukraine,” the report may contain potentially damaging information that could undermine the Democrat’s entire case against President Trump. Providing a tantalizing glimpse of what may come of the Giuliani revelations, the President teased, “He has a lot of good information. I have not spoken to him about that information yet.”
Unafraid of soiling himself, Giuliani is thought to have been in Ukraine all week digging up dirt on current presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden.
“Well, Rudy came back from Ukraine looking awfully dirty and disheveled,” said Trump. “I can only assume he found something. I mean, I wouldn’t even let him into the Oval Office he was so covered in filth. Expect the report to be really dirty. Raunchy.”
President Trump brushed aside questions regarding the many explosive allegations made by witnesses during recent impeachment hearings. “Expect some bombshells in Rudy’s report,” the President added. “I know Barr’s team had to have a group of demolitions experts handle the report it was so explosive. But Rudy, as you know, has been one of the great crime fighters of the last 50 years. If anybody can dig up explosive dirt, it’s Rudy.”